You want three things in your divorce attorney: expertise in divorce, reliability, and a good attitude. You want a lawyer who specializes in divorce (at least 50% of his/her case load), and unless you're expecting a no-holds-barred battle, you want a lawyer trained in divorce mediation who practices it professionally. Mediation-minded attorneys are more likely to give you neutral and problem-solving advice, whereas traditional attorneys tend to be more oriented to conflict and their advice tends to be adversarial. Your attorney must be someone you can trust and work with comfortably, someone who has your confidence.

Once you've found the right lawyer, here are some tips on how you can use your attorney in ways that will make your divorce go as smoothly and inexpensively as possible.

The legal divorce has very limited concerns: to get a judgment of divorce, you have to make arrangements for your property, your children, and support (if any). If you have a high degree of conflict, it is also about keeping the peace and protecting you, your children and your property. That's it; that's all the legal divorce is about.

It can be difficult to get over a divorce and cope with a divorce when you are in pain. A ton of emotions and indecisiveness consumes you. There is a simple process to help the serious individual get over a divorce.

Very few people stay with the same individual for over twenty years. Therefore, a divorce is inevitable. Yet, hearing the words, "Uh well, I don't know how to say this but I want to divorce" still hurts.

Divorce is difficult at the 'best' of times. Even when a couple makes a combined decision to divorce, it can be extremely trying. What happens if the decision is one sided? What happens to the party who can sometimes feel blind-sided by one person's decision that they no longer want to be a part of this union?

Been there, done that. Only I wasn't the one who made the decision to leave the relationship. It was my ex-husband's decision. Okay, I helped him make the actual decision to leave (he didn't have much choice), but the result was the same. Feelings of "what's wrong with me?" are abundant.

One peculiar feature of a stepfamily is that they are built on a negative foundation. A stepfamily couple comes to their new home with a full set of baggage, containing memories, wounds, and habits. Probably the biggest piece of baggage that sits in the way of your developing a new life is your connection to your ex-spouse.

And, while some ex-es go away physically, many more haunt your life as well as your memories. One of the great mysteries of divorce and remarriage is why many ex-spouses just refuse to turn loose.